Four Days and Counting

A year ago this coming weekend, I believe it was August 10th, I shook myself awake at 5am and drove out to Couer d'Alene, ID for my first--well in actuality it was my second with the first being about 3-4 years prior in Portland, OR but I don't totally count that one as it what feels like many moons ago and right smack in the middle of my unhealthy life choice of an eating disorder--Olympic distance triathlon.

I had signed up for the race mostly for the hell of it.  At the time I had been going through some "stuff" trying to figure life out and mostly feeling as though I floundering.  Barely able to make rent, having to borrow from mom and dad every month in order to pay bills; that constant feeling of no matter how hard you worked it wasn't enough.  I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to make it and in reality starting to wonder if I would ever "feel" again.  So to counteract that I figured why not see how hard I can push, lets see how much I can handle--and I signed up for a triathlon.

So back to August 10th at 5am: it was the first time I had ever gone to something like this by myself.  Previously I had either been on a team or my parents had been there, but being on your own means you have to figure it out yourself so I did.  I got myself to packet pick up the night before, arranged and set out my gear the night before, and set my alarm.  

Now you should know a little bit about the gear I had: no wetsuit and/or swim suit I just wore a sports bra and nike running shorts, a bright blue helmet from back when I believe I was in middle school, and best of all my mother's old motobecane touring bike from back when her and my dad spent summers cycling across Europe.  This bike was older than me and probably weighed as much as I did with crotch rocket gears and baskets instead of clip ins.  Lets just say I made an impression.

There I was standing at the start line with my toes in the water putting my swim goggles on upside down (yes that happened) with no clue as to what I was doing yet it was a fantastic feeling.  As the "gun" went off I threw myself into the water and took off for what was the start of an amazing journey.  Something in me changed that day, in fact I can remember the exact moment.  At about mile 10 of the bike as everyone started climbing (for those of you who have done the Couer d'Alene Olympic Triathlon you know exactly where I am talking about) this feeling came over me.  I don't know that I can give you an exact description of the feeling but it was as though a calm settled down upon me.  Weight came off my shoulders and everything that had been going on the last couple of months became irrelevant.  This smile spread across my face and joy seeped into my body.  Nothing mattered any more because I knew I was going to make it, I was going to survive, I was going to come out strong and you know what.... I sure as hell did.  

That day everything changed I was hooked and most importantly my self confidence came back.  I began to believe again. 

Not the fastest time but still a 2nd place

  So here I am now almost exactly one year later preparing for the biggest race of my life (hopefully not my last) and writing to you.  I have come a long ways in the last year;  I am strong, confident, healthy, and most importantly unbelievably happy.  I met the most fantastic man who has made the past eight months some of the best I have ever had the experience of happening.  His love, support, and all around presence has helped me to continue pushing myself and striving to constantly be better.  I am blessed and proud to be a part of his life. 

In four days and counting I will be standing at another starting line this time on a much bigger stage and with a much different out look on life.  I am not sure I can tell you exactly what is going through my mind, excitement, nervousness, anxiety, thrill, and many more emotions run through me on a constant basis.  I want more than anything to perform well not only to show that yes I did it, I made it, but also for those who have been out there supporting me; my parents who are making the journey with me, for my sister who always believes in me even when sometimes I don't, for Brandon whose love and support continues to amaze me, for his parents who have embraced me as a part of their family, and for everyone who continues to cheer from wherever they are.

I am blessed to have the chance to race with some of the best in the nation and I wish all those who are racing with me good luck and to all those racing this weekend at Coeur d'Alene have good luck, have fun, and I hope that maybe it will change your life as it did mine!  

If you wish to follow the race you can with the link below, I will see all of you at the finish line!!!!!!

USA AGE GROUP NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS OLYMPIC COVERAGE

10 Day "You" Challenge: Eight Fears

I must apologize I know this is a little late in coming.  Between work, training, trying to maintain a semblance of a calm with Age Group Nationals coming up in a week, and living the pretend social life Brandon and I have life has been busy and the thought of taking ten minutes to think about my fears became low on the list.  Though in reality I may have just been a little lazy preferring to sit on the couch watching the Food Network or the Mariners play at the end of the day instead. :) So now I must stop being lazy and spend a little time delving into my fears.  

You hear the word fear and you instantly start thinking of spiders, being afraid to speak in front of crowds, or not taking chances because you are afraid.  There is another way to address fear and that is as a challenge.  An obstacle that by jumping over you become stronger.  Not to say that you may not still have a aversion to that particular fear but the self pride you gain upon accomplishment of that said fear is worth it.

Alright, I will get off my soap box and give you my eight fears.  These are not in any particular order and I pray that, if I haven't already done so, I will conqueror these fears.

Needles: A fear that has haunted me since I was little.  My parents will attest to the challenge and chore it was to give me my shots when I was little. There is something about the idea of a needle entering my muscles that just makes my stomach churn. This may seem a little bit crazy as I have two tattoos and do plan to get more so it is often, especially from my loving mother, that I get the question "how did you get those if you are afraid of needles?"  There is no answer from my part for that question, I just did it. The difference may go back to me not liking the thought of the needle actually going deep into my skin verses just grazing the surface.  

Not being able to see: Since the 3rd grade I have been legally blind (couldn't even see the Big E on the eye chart) and it continued to get worse as I aged. While my vision has stabilized the idea of going completely blind terrifies me.  Every time I go into the eye doctor I breath a sigh of relief when they tell me everything looks good.

Disappointing people: If I was to categorize my fears or rank them I would probably have to say this is my greatest.  There are so many people out there, my family, friends, people I have worked with and grew up with, Brandon, and his family that believe in me and I am so afraid I will not live up to their belief.  These people have put their trust, time, support, love, and more often than not money into me for so many different reason the thought of disappointing or not living up to who they believe I have the ability to be can be suffocating.  I strongly believe in failure, and it is not something I fear as it is a part of growth, but more that I will fail all those who have been there for me.  

Having children (the whole darn process)/children in general: Now this may seem a little bit crazy and most people when I tell them this give me this look like I am seriously deranged. Supposedly I am supposed to have this maternal instinct that when I look at babies, hold them, see them, etc. instead this extreme panic and uncomfortable feeling fills me.  What if I break it? What if I ruin my own children? Those are just two of the millions of concerns that run through my mind.  Yes I do want to have children, someday--in the fairly far off future, but oh my goodness it is a terrifying idea and right now it gives me heartburn :).  I guess if it something that is meant to be I will have to take my own advice, face the challenge head on and hopefully jump over this obstacle.  I guess we will eventually find out for right now I will stick to riding my bike, running, training, and living life to the fullest.

Scary Movies: Will not watch them.  They give me nightmares.  Watched the "Walking Dead" one time and woke up seeing Zombies in my room, it was not pleasant.

Airplanes: It is not necessarily the flying that bothers me, except for take off and landing.  But the being so close to other people.  They just cram you into those things, everyone breathing the same recycled air and smelling each others body odor.  Combine that with the headaches they give me its just not a pleasant experience. I swear I am going to be trapped in one one day.

Not being able to exercise:  I understand that I will not be able to continue pushing my body as hard as I do now for the rest of my life but I pray that I will be able to continue being active for the rest of my life.  Running, biking, swimming, lifting, etc gives me such joy, peace, and fulfillment that the idea of not being able to do them definitely unnerves me.

The dark: I am not necessarily afraid of the dark where I have to sleep with a night light (anymore) but more that I am uncomfortable in the dark, especially when I am alone. The second the lights go out my balances gets off kilter and my vision starts doing funny things.  Shadows become more pronounced and noises become a lot louder (hence the heightened senses concept) and I do not enjoy it.  That being said whenever Brandon is traveling for work I sleep with the closet light on and always have a light on when I am in a room.   

Well that was a little bit of a dark challenge.  No one likes to talk about the things they are afraid of.  I hope to be a little bit less lazy the coming week, though my nerves in regards to Nationals next weekend may get the best of me, for a little more light hearted subject "Seven Wants" and a pre/post race recap of Age Group Nationals!!! 

Stay tuned and have a wonderful weekend

What have you done to overcome your fears?  

Inspiration, motivation, passion, belief, and faith

Challenges come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes the hardest part about life is finding that inspiration, motivation, passion, belief, or faith to put one foot in front of the other.  Throughout my own journey I have come across, read about, and became friends with those who each have found their own form of inspiration and faith to overcome.  It is through their dedication that I have been able to help find my own inspiration.  It is my pleasure to provide you dreams and dedications of others in the hope that maybe one will resonate and help  you to find your own belief and faith.

BRENDA DAY

Who is she: A Spokane, WA full time working woman who enjoys spending time with her husband and dog.  She may have some small flavors of OCD but she enjoys life with abandon.  Brenda is an active member of her local triathlon club, Team Blaze, competing in triathlons and local running races.   Always there to great you with a smile and a bubbly hello Brenda 

Inspiration: Brenda is inspired by anyone who overcomes a challenge.  The strength and energy the expel from facing their challenges head on and striving to achieve their goals inspires her to constantly set new goals herself.                                                                           

BRANDON BOWKER with Parents

Who is he: Born and raised in Nine Mile Falls, WA Brandon was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 15.  Looking at food labels, counting carbohydrates, gaining an understanding of the carbohydrate to insulin ratio, and learning how to judge sugar content in non-labeled foods was something that no 15 year old believes they will go through but Brandon vowed to turn it into something positive.  15 years later Brandon continues to strive towards leading a healthy life by playing baseball, basketball, working out at the gym, and finding joy in the small things in life.

Inspiration: "Treat those who are good with goodness, and also treat those who are not good with goodness. Thus goodness is attained. Be honest to those who are honest, and be also honest to those who are not honest. Thus honesty is attained."      --Lao Tzu  In all, Life motivates me! There are no stereotypes in my eyes. Be unique and own it.

DON KARDONG

Who is he: A 1971 graduate from Standford University Don Kardong moved to Spokane in 1974, where he eventually raised his now two grown daughters with wife Bridgid, to begin an elementary  teaching career. From that move forward Don's belief in community spirit and togetherness has been forefront throughout Spokane. After finishing fourth in the 1976 Olympic marathon in Montreal Don founded the all famous Lilac Bloomsday Run through Spokane. Upon opening a retail sporting goods store in downtown Spokane Don left teaching in 1977 and eventually started working as writer for Runner's World magazine for the next 16 years.  While he had put the teaching world behind him Don did not leave the children  behind him serving as executive director for the Children's Museum of Spokane from 2002 to 2004. Currently Don continues to play a major role facilitating community unit, spirit, and belief for the city of Spokane as Race Director for Bloomsday.

Inspiration: "A lot of people seem to think that motivation is a quality that they either do or don't have, and more often than not they say they don't have it. In my experience, though, motivation to stay in shape is more about figuring out where and when you're going to do it, and then treating it  like you would any other appointment, like a visit to the doctor or a business meeting. If you treat your workout as an appointment you have with yourself, rather than as something you'll do "if you have time," you'll be much more likely to stay motivated to do it."

Pat Tyson

Who is he: As the current head coach for Gonzaga University Cross Country and Track and field Pat Tyson (known as coach or merely Tyson to most) believes in passion and shocking the world.  Through his hardworking and motivated mother Tyson learned how to be a self starter at a young age.  He states, "my mother's acceptance of exploration and motivational mentor ship taught me at an early age to be an independent and passionate creator.  Tyson's passion for running arose from his fervor to work and fueled his fire for life.  After running for University of Oregon in college Tyson took a teaching and coaching position in Shoreline, Washington where he continued to run and helped to found Club Northwest, a competitive running club in Western Washington.  Tyson's coaching path has led him from Shoreline to Mead Highschool back to University of Oregon then to University of Kentucky and finally to Gonzaga University where he currently coaches.  Over the years Coach Tyson has inspired many young adults to find their passion and their dream through his unwavering belief in people and the strengths the posses.    

Inspiration:  For Tyson motivation comes from the pure and raw energy you get from the journey of life.  Fueled by his own passion for life Tyson gains inspiration as a coach, teacher, and mentor of others creating their own journey.  "The strength and drive people gain as they move through the journey of life is moving," says Tyson "it is hard not to feed off the pure, raw energy people give off when they push the limits."  All in all Coach Tyson gathers his motivation purely from people; "people are amazing" he says.  

"You can't put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the further you get." --Michael Phelps