I had signed up for the race mostly for the hell of it. At the time I had been going through some "stuff" trying to figure life out and mostly feeling as though I floundering. Barely able to make rent, having to borrow from mom and dad every month in order to pay bills; that constant feeling of no matter how hard you worked it wasn't enough. I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to make it and in reality starting to wonder if I would ever "feel" again. So to counteract that I figured why not see how hard I can push, lets see how much I can handle--and I signed up for a triathlon.
So back to August 10th at 5am: it was the first time I had ever gone to something like this by myself. Previously I had either been on a team or my parents had been there, but being on your own means you have to figure it out yourself so I did. I got myself to packet pick up the night before, arranged and set out my gear the night before, and set my alarm.
Now you should know a little bit about the gear I had: no wetsuit and/or swim suit I just wore a sports bra and nike running shorts, a bright blue helmet from back when I believe I was in middle school, and best of all my mother's old motobecane touring bike from back when her and my dad spent summers cycling across Europe. This bike was older than me and probably weighed as much as I did with crotch rocket gears and baskets instead of clip ins. Lets just say I made an impression.
There I was standing at the start line with my toes in the water putting my swim goggles on upside down (yes that happened) with no clue as to what I was doing yet it was a fantastic feeling. As the "gun" went off I threw myself into the water and took off for what was the start of an amazing journey. Something in me changed that day, in fact I can remember the exact moment. At about mile 10 of the bike as everyone started climbing (for those of you who have done the Couer d'Alene Olympic Triathlon you know exactly where I am talking about) this feeling came over me. I don't know that I can give you an exact description of the feeling but it was as though a calm settled down upon me. Weight came off my shoulders and everything that had been going on the last couple of months became irrelevant. This smile spread across my face and joy seeped into my body. Nothing mattered any more because I knew I was going to make it, I was going to survive, I was going to come out strong and you know what.... I sure as hell did.
That day everything changed I was hooked and most importantly my self confidence came back. I began to believe again.
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| Not the fastest time but still a 2nd place |
So here I am now almost exactly one year later preparing for the biggest race of my life (hopefully not my last) and writing to you. I have come a long ways in the last year; I am strong, confident, healthy, and most importantly unbelievably happy. I met the most fantastic man who has made the past eight months some of the best I have ever had the experience of happening. His love, support, and all around presence has helped me to continue pushing myself and striving to constantly be better. I am blessed and proud to be a part of his life.
In four days and counting I will be standing at another starting line this time on a much bigger stage and with a much different out look on life. I am not sure I can tell you exactly what is going through my mind, excitement, nervousness, anxiety, thrill, and many more emotions run through me on a constant basis. I want more than anything to perform well not only to show that yes I did it, I made it, but also for those who have been out there supporting me; my parents who are making the journey with me, for my sister who always believes in me even when sometimes I don't, for Brandon whose love and support continues to amaze me, for his parents who have embraced me as a part of their family, and for everyone who continues to cheer from wherever they are.
I am blessed to have the chance to race with some of the best in the nation and I wish all those who are racing with me good luck and to all those racing this weekend at Coeur d'Alene have good luck, have fun, and I hope that maybe it will change your life as it did mine!
If you wish to follow the race you can with the link below, I will see all of you at the finish line!!!!!!
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