You hear the word fear and you instantly start thinking of spiders, being afraid to speak in front of crowds, or not taking chances because you are afraid. There is another way to address fear and that is as a challenge. An obstacle that by jumping over you become stronger. Not to say that you may not still have a aversion to that particular fear but the self pride you gain upon accomplishment of that said fear is worth it.
Alright, I will get off my soap box and give you my eight fears. These are not in any particular order and I pray that, if I haven't already done so, I will conqueror these fears.
Needles: A fear that has haunted me since I was little. My parents will attest to the challenge and chore it was to give me my shots when I was little. There is something about the idea of a needle entering my muscles that just makes my stomach churn. This may seem a little bit crazy as I have two tattoos and do plan to get more so it is often, especially from my loving mother, that I get the question "how did you get those if you are afraid of needles?" There is no answer from my part for that question, I just did it. The difference may go back to me not liking the thought of the needle actually going deep into my skin verses just grazing the surface.
Not being able to see: Since the 3rd grade I have been legally blind (couldn't even see the Big E on the eye chart) and it continued to get worse as I aged. While my vision has stabilized the idea of going completely blind terrifies me. Every time I go into the eye doctor I breath a sigh of relief when they tell me everything looks good.
Disappointing people: If I was to categorize my fears or rank them I would probably have to say this is my greatest. There are so many people out there, my family, friends, people I have worked with and grew up with, Brandon, and his family that believe in me and I am so afraid I will not live up to their belief. These people have put their trust, time, support, love, and more often than not money into me for so many different reason the thought of disappointing or not living up to who they believe I have the ability to be can be suffocating. I strongly believe in failure, and it is not something I fear as it is a part of growth, but more that I will fail all those who have been there for me.
Having children (the whole darn process)/children in general: Now this may seem a little bit crazy and most people when I tell them this give me this look like I am seriously deranged. Supposedly I am supposed to have this maternal instinct that when I look at babies, hold them, see them, etc. instead this extreme panic and uncomfortable feeling fills me. What if I break it? What if I ruin my own children? Those are just two of the millions of concerns that run through my mind. Yes I do want to have children, someday--in the fairly far off future, but oh my goodness it is a terrifying idea and right now it gives me heartburn :). I guess if it something that is meant to be I will have to take my own advice, face the challenge head on and hopefully jump over this obstacle. I guess we will eventually find out for right now I will stick to riding my bike, running, training, and living life to the fullest.
Scary Movies: Will not watch them. They give me nightmares. Watched the "Walking Dead" one time and woke up seeing Zombies in my room, it was not pleasant.
Airplanes: It is not necessarily the flying that bothers me, except for take off and landing. But the being so close to other people. They just cram you into those things, everyone breathing the same recycled air and smelling each others body odor. Combine that with the headaches they give me its just not a pleasant experience. I swear I am going to be trapped in one one day.
Not being able to exercise: I understand that I will not be able to continue pushing my body as hard as I do now for the rest of my life but I pray that I will be able to continue being active for the rest of my life. Running, biking, swimming, lifting, etc gives me such joy, peace, and fulfillment that the idea of not being able to do them definitely unnerves me.
The dark: I am not necessarily afraid of the dark where I have to sleep with a night light (anymore) but more that I am uncomfortable in the dark, especially when I am alone. The second the lights go out my balances gets off kilter and my vision starts doing funny things. Shadows become more pronounced and noises become a lot louder (hence the heightened senses concept) and I do not enjoy it. That being said whenever Brandon is traveling for work I sleep with the closet light on and always have a light on when I am in a room.
Well that was a little bit of a dark challenge. No one likes to talk about the things they are afraid of. I hope to be a little bit less lazy the coming week, though my nerves in regards to Nationals next weekend may get the best of me, for a little more light hearted subject "Seven Wants" and a pre/post race recap of Age Group Nationals!!!
Stay tuned and have a wonderful weekend
What have you done to overcome your fears?
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